We're often quick to spot mistakes and point out risks. But why do we sometimes find it so hard to recognize progress? On honest criticism, a lack of encouragement, and the question of why we often only recognize people once they…
Benjamin Trinidad Segura
6 min read
I don't want people around me who just tell me what I want to hear.
I want people who question me. Who challenge my thinking. Who disagree with me when they think I'm wrong.
People who tell me when my ideas haven't been thought through. When I'm overlooking something. When I'm going down the wrong path.
Because I believe we need exactly these kinds of people to grow.
But sometimes I wish for something else, too.
Sometimes I just want to hear:
“You did a good job.”
Not because I'm looking for compliments.
Not because I need validation for every decision I make.
But because it's nice when someone notices what you're trying to do, how much work goes into it, and how much progress you've already made.
Even if you're still a long way from your goal.
Sometimes I feel that we're so focused on protecting people from making mistakes that we forget to notice their progress.
We quickly spot what isn't working yet.
What could be better.
What risks there are.
Why something might fail.
And sometimes, we're even right about all these concerns.
But then why is it so hard for us to say, at the same time:
“I can see how hard you're trying. And I think you're moving in the right direction.”
One doesn't make the other any less true.
Someone can have a good idea even if it isn't fully developed yet.
Someone can make progress even while still making mistakes.
Someone can be on the right track even if no one knows where that track actually leads.
And someone can deserve recognition even if they haven't yet achieved anything others would call a success.
I've been working for over twelve years to make my own ideas and dreams come true.
I've doubted myself, started over, abandoned things, and tried again to find a different path.
And of course, there have been people who viewed my ideas critically.
That's okay.
No one is obliged to share my enthusiasm.
No one has to be convinced by my plans.
But sometimes I wished someone would look beyond my ideas and see the person behind them, too.
Someone who keeps trying.
Who keeps learning.
Who keeps growing.
Who keeps working on something important to them, despite all the uncertainty.
Not with the words:
“This is guaranteed to work.”
But perhaps simply with:
“I don't know if you'll make it. But I can see how much you're doing for it. And I believe you can make something of it.”
Sometimes that would have been enough.
When someone eventually succeeds, there are often people ready to congratulate them.
They say they always knew it would happen.
That they always believed in that person.
Maybe that's even true sometimes.
But I wonder:
Why is it so much easier for us to believe in people once they've already proved us right?
Is that really trust anymore?
Or are we merely recognizing an outcome that has since become visible to everyone?
To me, trust also means believing someone is capable of something even when the outcome is still uncertain.
Not blindly.
Not unconditionally.
But with a willingness to see more in another person than just what they've achieved so far.
Because people who support us along the way often experience something that those who only join us at the finish line miss.
They witness our growth.
And sometimes they even help make it happen.
I don't want to disparage criticism.
Quite the opposite.
I'm convinced that honest criticism can be a form of appreciation.
If someone takes the time to understand my thinking, spots potential mistakes, and wants to help me make better decisions, that's valuable.
But not everything called criticism is automatically helpful.
There's a difference between:
“I see a problem here. Let's think about how you can solve it.”
And:
“This isn't going to work anyway.”
Between:
“Have you considered this possibility?”
And:
“You're overestimating yourself.”
Between:
“I think you should reconsider your approach.”
And:
“Come on, be realistic.”
Not every critical remark is constructive just because it invokes reality.
And not every form of encouragement is naive just because it offers hope.
Maybe there's someone in your life who's been working on something for years.
Someone who wants to start a business.
Someone who's doing an apprenticeship.
Someone who's trying to change their life.
Someone who gets back up after a setback.
Or someone who's simply trying every day to cope a little better with themselves and their life.
Maybe you see things in this person that they themselves stopped noticing long ago.
Their growth.
Their perseverance.
Their creativity.
Their efforts.
Maybe you sometimes even think:
“I find it impressive how hard this person fights for something.”
But have you ever told them?
Not just when they succeed.
Not just when they give up.
Not just when they ask you whether you even believe in them.
But just because.
Because that's genuinely how you feel.
I need people who are honest with me.
People who can disagree with me.
People who question my decisions.
People who point out my mistakes.
But I also wish for people who notice when something goes well.
People who see progress, even when it's small.
People who can share in my happiness without immediately explaining everything that could still go wrong.
And who occasionally tell me:
“I can see what you're building there. And I think you can be proud of it.”
Not out of pity.
Not out of politeness.
Not because I asked.
But because that's genuinely how they see it.
Because sometimes we don't need a new perspective, another suggestion for improvement, or an additional risk analysis.
Sometimes we simply need someone who sees how far we've already come.
And reminds us of it.
Maybe we should stop seeing criticism and recognition as opposites.
We don't have to choose between challenging someone and supporting them.
We can do both.
We can point out people's mistakes and recognize their strengths at the same time.
We can question their ideas and still believe in their abilities.
We can name the risks and still offer hope.
We can disagree with them and still share in their happiness.
Because taking someone seriously doesn't mean seeing only what they still need to improve.
It also means recognizing what they've already achieved.
And maybe we shouldn't wait until other people succeed to do that.
Maybe they need our recognition right now.
While they're still trying to find their way.
Be critical of me. But please also recognize when I do something well.
I don't think that's asking too much.
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